How to Trap a Monkey

I am a collector of useful, yet useless knowledge. It has been a great benefit to me and made for great party chit chat. It also drives my husband nuts. And yet, some of it is downright helpful. For instance, knowing how to trap a monkey.

Monkeys are smart, inquisitive and totally self-serving...or just plain greedy..whatever. Sound like someone you might know? Coincidence. We all have those people in our lives.

Back to the trap...so you get some food treat that the monkey is crazy for. Then you get a log, or board and place a hole in it that is big enough for the monkey to put his paw through, but smaller than the food item. Place the food behind the board, beyond the hole so that Mr. Monkey can see it. Monkey reaches through the hole, grasps the food in his fist and tries to pull it through the hole..but alas the hand and food are now too large to fit through the hole.

The monkey, because he IS a monkey, but also incredibly greedy will scream and yell and throw a fit, tug at the board....but not let go. Greed. He is unable to do the one thing that will set him free, drop the food. Trapped.

You, of course, see where I am going with this. Greed'll get ya in the end. Always has, always will. Whenever I have to cope with a greedy individual, or animal (I apologize to the animals) I think of the monkey trap and let them trip over their own greed. The goats are totally greedy...but for them it is reality based in the need to survive. As a prey animal the best fed, healthiest is the one that will survive. So there is no altruism in the goat world. Chickens I have found to be a bit more considerate. Roosters put a great deal of effort into watching over the hens and hens over the chicks.

So what do you do if you have a greedy person in your life? Not much, except avoid them like the plague. Greed is a choice, not a disease and to my mind, anyone who has chosen to be greedy will also be jealous, devious and mean. It takes a lot of everything and everyone to feed greed. You can't talk someone out of being greedy; you can't shame them; you can't reason with them. They create havoc and sadness wherever they go. Pretty awful.

Charles Dickens tried like the dickens (sorry, I couldn't resist) to bring greed to light in "The Christmas Carol" and Scrooge was cured...gosh I wish it were so in real life. Take heart. If you are bedeviled by someone who's greed overruns common sense or decency, be assured that out there in the world , waiting somewhere for them is a monkey trap. You can be sure it will get them.