Sneaky Bill is Gonna Get His!

 

SNEAKY BILL IS BACK!

 

Sneaky Bill is mean, rotten and should be stepped on! I dream of killing him- but that would just be wrong on a lot of levels.  First off, it would be messy and I would have to watch him die. Now that might not be a bad thing, but there are so many ways to choose from - a quick death - slow - tortuous. Bill is not kind to others - he himself has killed. But he has managed to escape punishment or retribution for a long time.

 

 

 

Sneaky Bill has no conscience, no morals, no sense of social responsibility. He is an opportunist, a complete narcissist and 100% lacking in empathy or compassion.  Oh yah, he thinks he's smart and artistic and talented, but he has nothing going for him that 1000's  of others don't have.  In fact on most levels, Bill is mediocre.  No one has the courage to tell Bill this to his face though. Because Sneaky Bill is quick to avenge and carries a grudge to extreme.

 

No one is safe around Sneaky Bill.  

 

Oh yah, I know he probably has someone out there who thinks I am being harsh...but you don't know Bill...He acts benign and even sometimes even shy and retiring. But beneath that facade lurks a scheming, plotting character that is only waiting for an opportunity to show his true talents and character.  

 

Sneaky Bill is ugly too. He is squat, fat and bald...well a few little hairs on his chin maybe...but on top - bald as an egg. He has beady little eyes. He is low-slung so moves with no grace at all.  Maybe he drinks too much...probably.

 

He moved away for a while, but recently returned..and has built himself a magnificent home...large and quite airy with at least 6 entrances. And while his home has been destroyed several times - each day he is back........I hope that a bird or lizard eats Bill soon because I am sick and tired or running into his stupid web every morning!

 

 



 

 

How to Turn a Goat into a Hat

 

 

It has been ages since I have had the time to get back to this blog. Loads of things have been happening - mostly good- that have kept us hopping.  Also I found out that a few people are actually reading this Blog. And these people started asking me what was going on...so I thought I'd better get back to work here.
 
First of all an evil person got into our lives and tried to do a lot of harm...but we prevailed and while we wasted a lot of time on this person, it was ultimately time well spent. It was an adventure of sorts and what my mom would have referred to as a"learning experience". Onward and upward.

And now, for the goat fan club - Fritz, Fred, Louise, Berta, Tillie and Bessie are doing well, fat and sassy and very very fuzzy.  Which brings me to the point of this Blog...how I made a hat out of  Fred....or, 

How To Turn a Goat Into a Hat.

First.  Get a fuzzy type goat and put a huge amount of time and anxiety into caring for this goat. Lose sleep and spend $$$ on vet bills, medicine and feed and vast amounts of internet time in goat groups and internet research on goat care.

Oh..and I forgot to mention...get several goats because they are herd animals and need companions to thrive.  They also need a ton of other stuff and equipment and fencing and bedding and shots and worm medicine and if you get one you might as well get.............


But my gosh they are cute, funny, smart and cunning. They eat a bunch of nasty brush and bushes, but will just as likely eat your most valuable shrubbery too as they are gourmands. Look it up.

Second. Shear this animal to get his  beautiful hair (mohair/cashmere). Now this is where it gets complicated because you need to restrain the goat...no easy task...and develop some skill at separating hair from goat without injuring yourself or the goat. We struggled with this with moderate success until one of our B&B guests confessed to being a skilled shearer! No joke.

So last spring Mr. W came to our rescue and sheared the 6 goats in less than 2 hours. For Ed and I it usually takes about 5 hours and significant risk to our marriage!

Third. Send the fleece out to a processor to dehair and clean it and wait 3 months to get it back. It will be soft, luxurious and cost a lot of money to be processed. But it will be worth it as this hair is so amazing that it is almost obscene.

Fourth. Turn the hair into yarn. Now, if you don't know how to spin your own yarn you may have to learn or ask someone to do it for you. Learning will require the purchase of a drop spindle or $$$$ spinning wheel and many hours of swearing and frustration, but eventually you will produce some fabulous yarn - which after washing, fulling and otherwise prepping will be ready to knit or crochet with.

Fifth. Knit or crochet something with this yarn. 

Well, as it turns out, our friend Mr. W and his wife were expecting a baby and I, in a moment of wild enthusiasm promised that I would make a little cap for new arrival out of the hair we all worked to remove from the goats.  It only took me about 5 days of frustration and hair pulling (mine and the yarn) for me to relearn how to crochet (after 20 years of trying hard to forget it) and then three tries at figuring out the instructions until at last a soft, cute little baby cap, albeit not perfect...emerged.

Little cap went out in the mail this morning to baby W. 

And that my friends is how to turn a goat into a hat!

 Cider Mill Blog