Bullies

I've been thinking about bullies a lot lately...maybe because it is in the news so much.

The interesting thing is that you are never really free of bullies. No matter how old (or young) you are there is always some insecure, narcissistic individual lurking out there who needs to feed his or her own failures by degrading someone else. They are destructive time wasters..a co-worker, boss even siblings.

There are even bullies in the animal world. I watch the goats and chickens settle their disputes and there is always one individual that lives to push the less aggressive around - or even kill them in extreme cases. Of course, as their caretakers, we intervene to make sure the bullied animal gets protection, or even get rid of the bully altogether.

When I was 7 years old, I was bullied ruthlessly by an older kid. Got to the point where I refused to go to school. My mother turned into a tiger and went on a serious mission on my behalf. The bullying stopped and my relationship with and admiration for my mom went to a new level. But the process taught me a lot. I was never bullied again and I never will be.

Sometimes it does no good to stand up to a bully...especially if they have alliances or are bigger or can actually do you physical harm, but there are lots of ways to creatively deflate them. And, of course, sooner or later they will run into a bully themselves.

Bullies are always more scared than you are. But they are scared of different stuff, like authority figures, rejection, failure and loss of control. They really do need to be in control of people, situations and emotions. They walk a fragile line of fear...like a trapped animal. More to be pitied than feared.

The old adage of standing up to a bully does work...just be sure he isn't holding a weapon when you make your stand. But for kids, getting an authority figure involved, school, police officer, parent, really does work.

Bullies prey on the lone animal..the kid or individual that doesn't have a support group or supportive siblings. Children should be encouraged to join church groups, scouts, 4H, or other social network groups that make them feel less vulnerable to bullying. Kids aren't often quick to tell their parents..but they may tell their friends.

If you have a child or friend that is being bullied you really do need to rally to their defense and be determined about it. Don't trust others to do the job...see it through yourself. Don't be afraid to wade into the situation and get help from any authority figure you need, teacher, police, parent, whatever to conquer the bully. Don't yield and don't back down until the job is done and the bully has moved on and your child, friend, parent is safe and happy and their self-esteem is back on track.

In my life I have had to cope with several bullies and find that now I look forward to the challenge of deflating them. Learn to be a Bully Buster!

How to Trap a Monkey

I am a collector of useful, yet useless knowledge. It has been a great benefit to me and made for great party chit chat. It also drives my husband nuts. And yet, some of it is downright helpful. For instance, knowing how to trap a monkey.

Monkeys are smart, inquisitive and totally self-serving...or just plain greedy..whatever. Sound like someone you might know? Coincidence. We all have those people in our lives.

Back to the trap...so you get some food treat that the monkey is crazy for. Then you get a log, or board and place a hole in it that is big enough for the monkey to put his paw through, but smaller than the food item. Place the food behind the board, beyond the hole so that Mr. Monkey can see it. Monkey reaches through the hole, grasps the food in his fist and tries to pull it through the hole..but alas the hand and food are now too large to fit through the hole.

The monkey, because he IS a monkey, but also incredibly greedy will scream and yell and throw a fit, tug at the board....but not let go. Greed. He is unable to do the one thing that will set him free, drop the food. Trapped.

You, of course, see where I am going with this. Greed'll get ya in the end. Always has, always will. Whenever I have to cope with a greedy individual, or animal (I apologize to the animals) I think of the monkey trap and let them trip over their own greed. The goats are totally greedy...but for them it is reality based in the need to survive. As a prey animal the best fed, healthiest is the one that will survive. So there is no altruism in the goat world. Chickens I have found to be a bit more considerate. Roosters put a great deal of effort into watching over the hens and hens over the chicks.

So what do you do if you have a greedy person in your life? Not much, except avoid them like the plague. Greed is a choice, not a disease and to my mind, anyone who has chosen to be greedy will also be jealous, devious and mean. It takes a lot of everything and everyone to feed greed. You can't talk someone out of being greedy; you can't shame them; you can't reason with them. They create havoc and sadness wherever they go. Pretty awful.

Charles Dickens tried like the dickens (sorry, I couldn't resist) to bring greed to light in "The Christmas Carol" and Scrooge was cured...gosh I wish it were so in real life. Take heart. If you are bedeviled by someone who's greed overruns common sense or decency, be assured that out there in the world , waiting somewhere for them is a monkey trap. You can be sure it will get them.